In her essay Mourning My Mother, Finally, C.A. Blomquist writes* :
“Because we are middle-aged, there have been many shivah calls for us to make for contemporaries who have lost parents. Participating in shacharit is particularly moving to me—entering the home of a grieving friend in the hush of an early morning, saying prayers together, sharing the weight of the moment in an intimate setting. We made such a visit at the end of March this year. Walking home in the cold spring air, I thought about how much I had come to admire the way Judaism structures its rituals for managing grief and remembering the dead. I found the rituals beautiful in the abstract, and in the particular. I saw the value and importance of marking time, establishing prescribed ways of paying respect, and having the community participate. I marveled at the wisdom in the words of the kaddish, which makes no mention of sadness or death but instead is filled with praise for the creator of the universe and with requests for peace and life’s goodness.”
Ms. Blomquist describes eloquently what so many of us experience….the power and beauty of a shivah experience, when family, friends and neighbors gather round us in support and we turn to time-honored rituals and words to help us move through our grief and the disorientation that so often attends the death of a loved one.
But what happens when the shivah experience is, to put it kindly, “less than optimal”? When there is no one available to competently lead the shivah service in the context of which the mourner is afforded the opportunity to recite kaddish? In our community this is an infrequent occurrence but no one should ever have to be in such an unfortunate position. It is time to train a cadre of FJC members who will have the requisite skills and confidence to lead a shivah service.
We are blessed to have a beautiful and user-friendly siddur (prayer-book)–Mishkan Tefilah For the House of Mourning–to use in such situations. While a comfort-level with prayer-book Hebrew is a most useful skill for this task, there are ways in which someone whose Hebrew is less-than-optimal can comfortably lead a shivah service that will be meaningful and comforting.
To this end, members of the congregation are invited to participate with me in a two-session training, in how to lead a shivah service, on Tuesday June 19 and 26, from 7:00-8:30 PM. Your participation will also signal your willingness to be called upon, should the need arise, to step into this important role for the sake of our kehillah–our community. Please RSVP to the temple office by June 12. Should you have questions or concerns, please be directly in touch with me.
Thank you for your consideration of this important and meaningful mitzvah!
Reb Elias
[ * Her essay appeared on tabletmag.com, May 8, 2012

