“Do not cast me off in old age; when my strength fails, do not forsake me.” – Psalm 71:9
Throughout the month of January 2012, the Falmouth Jewish Congregation will be exploring the theme of “sacred aging,” engaging in discussions about ways to age with dignity, knowledge, and the support of community. Why “sacred aging”? The demographics of Cape Cod, with its higher-than-usual population of the semi-retired and retired, certainly speaks to the importance of the topic of aging. So does the large number of caregivers amongst us – children caring for aging parents, as well as aging parents caring for children and grandchildren. Then there is the ever-present call to pay attention to the aging amongst us, both in our local communities and in society at large. Judaism has a lot to say about the topic, both in its ancient texts and in its modern multiplicity of voices. The Union for Reform Judaism has for several years now promoted a program of “sacred aging” to help congregations and Reform Jews educate themselves anew in Judaism’s call to healthy living and aging.
In his essay “To Grow in Wisdom,” initially delivered at the 1961 White House Conference on Aging, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote:
“What we owe the old is reverence, but all they ask for is consideration, attention, not to be discarded and forgotten. What they deserve is preference, yet we do not even grant them equality. One father finds it possible to sustain a dozen children, yet a dozen children find it impossible to sustain one father.”
Perhaps this is the most distressing aspect of the situation. The care for the old is regarded as an act of charity rather than as a supreme privilege. In the never dying utterance of the Ten Commandments, the God of Israel did not proclaim: Honor Me, Revere Me. He proclaimed instead: Revere your father and your mother. There is no reverence for God without reverence for father and mother.
In Jewish tradition the honor for father and mother is a commandment, the perfect fulfillment of which surpasses the power of man. There is no limit to what one ought to do in carrying out this privilege of devotion. God is invisible, but my mother is His presence…”
Allow me to suggest that each of us consider this year’s January theme one of personal relevance. This is decidedly not a program exclusively for seniors! From our children and baby boomers to our early retirees in their active 70s, to our nonagenarians, we will explore together attitudes toward aging and maturing. We will learn, do, create, and discuss together, with both a seriousness of purpose and a healthy sense of humor. Make a point of participating in at least one activity this month. Offerings are wide-ranging and surely include something of interest to you, from yoga and cooking for one to a variety of films, knitting circles, care giver discussions, and more.
If you are not a member of the FJC, please note that many of the program’s events are open to the public and free of charge, while others are offered exclusively to members. Please call the office if you have a question. Everyone is encouraged to RSVP to help us with planning (508-540-0602). For a full calendar of events, visit the website’s calendar.
Events open to the public include the following:
The program begins on Tuesday, January 3 at 10:00 A.M. with the presentation “Dispelling the Myths of Hospice,” by Melissa Roberts Weidman, Director of Communications and Community Outreach at Hospice & Palliative Care of Cape Cod. Ms. Weidman will address the connections between advance planning and healthy aging, dispelling the many myths about hospice (i.e. that hospice is only for cancer patients; that hospice is only called when there are days or hours left; that a patient needs to be bedridden) and making the case for knowing the facts and resources available so you can rest assured your wishes are understood and supported. Come to a lively, informative talk covering these and other aspects of hospice and palliative care, presented by Melissa Roberts Weidman, Director of Communications and Community Outreach.
The following week, on Monday, January 9 at Noon, Nadine Krasnow will present a talk entitled “The Next Step”: Options for Senior Care and Housing”. This talk begins with a brown bag lunch, with drinks and desserts provided. Ms. Krasnow, who served as an executive in the retirement care industry for eleven years, will present an overview of the various care options for seniors, including staying home and hiring help; staying home and going out to adult day care; moving in with adult children; or moving to a retirement community. She will provide a brief description of each option, the relative pros and cons, along with an overview of the issues involved and what questions to ask to ensure that the best possible decision will be made.
Nadine Krasnow served as Executive Director, Corporate Director of Marketing and Sales, and as an independent consultant in the retirement care industry. As a service to support individuals and families and help them make informed decisions, she maintains a small, private practice on the Cape and in the Greater Boston-MetroWest area.
On Thursday, January 12, the first of several free film screenings will take place. A Noon brown bag lunch will precede the screening of “Sunset Story,” a funny and intimate documentary drama that will make you think differently about growing old. It tells the story of Irja (81) and Lucille (95), two friends at a rest home for retired radicals. As they attend demonstrations, register their fellow residents to vote and debate everything under the sun, Irja and Lucille’s verve and humor delight us. “Sunset Story” doesn’t shy away from the sadness of old age; it reveals two elderly women’s lives in an unusually authentic and surprisingly moving way. We follow the two for a period of several months as, inseparable, they venture out for manicures, political protests and meals at their favorite deli.
Meanwhile at Sunset Hall, they are among the few who speak up during political discussions and the only ones alert enough to care about the appalling menu offerings. In private, they air their frustrations about fellow residents and debate fitting observance of the upcoming Jewish holidays from disparate perspectives–as a Finnish Unitarian (Irja) and an assimilated Jew (Lucille). Then, when Lucille receives a terminal cancer diagnosis, Irja must confront the possibility of losing her lifeline. Lucille and Irja explode familiar stereotypes of doddering “old ladies.” Sharp-witted, up-to-date, and often provocative, the two are not afraid to weigh in with opinions on men, sex, gender roles, and social attitudes toward the elderly. In a society in which the elderly are isolated and discarded as “unpleasant” reminders of the aging process, Irja and Lucille surprise us with their vitality and their quest for meaning and connection.
Additional upcoming free public events in January include “The Things My Mother Taught Me,” a talk and book signing by author Kate Whouley based on her most recent book, the memoir Remembering the Music, Forgetting the Words: Travels with Mom in the Land of Dementia (2011), on Sunday, January 22 at 2:00 P.M. In her talk, as in her book, Ms. Whouley will share with honesty and good humor the tough, tender and heart-wrenching experiences of an Alzheimer’s caregiver.
The program continues with a presentation entitled “Listen to the Still and Quiet Voice Within,” by Dr. Paul Raia, who has been directing patient care and family support at the Alzheimer’s Association for the past 22 years and now serves as vice president of clinical programs at the MA/NH Chapter. Dr. Raia’s talk takes place on Tuesday, January 24, starting with a noontime brown bag lunch.
Two additional film screenings come later in the month. Thursday, January 26 features the documentary film Over Ninety and Loving It, followed by a brown bag lunch and discussion. For this documentary featuring people in their 90s and 100s who are living extraordinary and passionate lives, filmmaker Susan Polis Schutz interviewed some of the most incredible people you can imagine – people who aren’t aware of chronological age at all but live as though the future and youth spring eternal.
The final film screening is a Saturday afternoon double feature on January 28 at 3:00 P.M. First up is a 20-minute dramatic short film entitled Beautiful Hills of Brooklyn. This multiple award-winning short is a transcendent story of the human spirit, told through the ordinary, daily life of an elderly woman — strong, independent and unsentimental — the kind of life that goes on quietly among us, hidden from view, full of undiscovered riches. Filmed entirely on practical locations in, the film stars Broadway, film and television actress Joanna Merlin, who created the role of Jessie in the original stage production and also co-wrote and produced the film.
The second film is Gen Silent, the critically-acclaimed documentary from filmmaker Stu Maddux that asks six LGBT seniors if they will hide their friends, their spouses- their entire lives in order to survive in the care system. Their surprising decisions are captured through intimate access to their day-to-day lives over the course of a year. It puts a face on what experts in the film call an epidemic: gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender older people so afraid of discrimination by caregivers or bullying by other seniors that many simply go back into the closet. Unlike any film before, Gen Silent startlingly discovers how oppression in the years before Stonewall now affects older lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people with fear and isolation.
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